The Beginning After the End
by reekaleeks
Summary: Is it possible to love a stranger? A stranger you've known your entire life? Can you pick up the pieces where you left off and smooth out the cracks? Who knows? After all, this is the beginning after the end.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, guys! **

**So, this is my newest FanFic -- The Beginning After the End. **

**This chapter is mainly the prologue that goes over all the history of Bella's situation. There's not too, too much dialogue in this chapter, and almost nothing with the rest of the group since they're not important in this chapter.**

**Next chapter, however, they'll be back -- which will be just like a normal FF chapter.**

**This story is going to have a LOT more detail in it, too... it takes me forever to think up really elaborate situations for the characters to be in -- jeez, it's tough!!**

**I guess I'll have to think of some witty saying for my reviewers on this story... mainly since "Fierce bitches" won't fly with this shit, haha.**

**So here it is, y'all.**

**I hope you like it -- even just a little bit.**

**_Disclaimer: I'm not going to lie... I don't own Twilight._  
**

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It's almost like I want to torture myself. No matter what I do, where I go or who I see... my thoughts always return to the same thing. People always say how simple it is to get over it all – to move on and forget – but it's the complete opposite for me. It's virtually impossible for me to get over my situation...

I'm not sure I want to, anyway.

From the outside looking in, you might say that it's like fate is smiling down on me. From the inside looking out, it feels more like fate is trying to tear me down. Rip me to shreds. See how much of this I can take before I snap.

I can't help but blame myself – I mean, look at me, plain and _average_. Average height, average looking brown hair, average brown eyes, average grades... average life. If I were above average and more interesting, maybe none of this would be slapping me in the face every day.

Actually, no. If there's one thing that I am – I'm _interesting_. I see things differently than other people – more beautifully, if you will. Unfortunately, we all know that being simply interesting won't get you anywhere in life.

That's why I'm here, after all. Sitting on this glowing mattress, pressed against the wall, in a room lit by black-light. I lean my head back, allowing it to bounce off the wall on impact. I can't feel any pain, luckily.

Thanks to the alcohol.

The entire room is black except for the white mattress, my glowing form on it, various lamps and the couch with a couple making out on it. I tug on my loose curls and mentally curse _him_ for doing this to me.

For bringing me down to this.

Two years ago, things were completely different. Things were perfect, even. I was fifteen and wonderful and most importantly, he was still my best friend.

* * *

"So what's it like?" He asked, emerald eyes lighting up in curiosity. His bronze hair swirled in the wind as we walked from the school bus to the main entrance of the school. He wasn't as tall then, his voice not as deep, and still had some baby fat on him. He was awkward and gangly and still coming into his own – there never were girls crawling all over him.

But I saw him differently than everyone else.

I saw him as someone beautiful.

His personality was brighter than anyone's in this shabby town called Forks. His personality was something special, but no one really saw that except me.

"What's what like?" I tried to avoid the question. Well, in retrospect, I guess I was trying to protect him.

I sat down on one of the large seats in the atrium of the school and patted the seat next to me.

"You know... oh, come on, Bella, don't make me say it out loud," he groaned in frustration as he tossed his backpack on the ground.

"Edward, it's really not anything special. Why do you suddenly want to know what it's like? In all seriousness, you probably wouldn't like it. Hell, _I_ don't even like it!" I mumbled.

"Well then why do you do it?"

"What, weed?"

"Yeah."

"Please, Edward, I hardly _do_ weed. It's really only whenever I'm hanging around with Lauren..."

"Which is pretty often these days. I don't know if you've noticed, but you've been getting high almost every weekend for the past four months! I'm not saying I want to try it – in fact, I _never_ want to try it – but I just want to know what it feels like! Come on, Bella!" Edward whined, tugging on my sleeve.

I looked around awkwardly, making sure that no persons of authority were in hearing distance, before I started to explain the drug to him.

"Well, as I said before – I don't really like it. The high, I mean. Basically, the smoke burns the back of your throat, and the high doesn't hit right away. So you typically have to stop after five or six puffs to see if you need any more," I explained, looking over to see Edward's face twisted between concern and interest, "for me, I just keep hitting the joint until I feel the high – or rather, see the high. See, it's kind of like tunnel vision in the literal sense. Everything becomes almost... 3-D. That's what I don't like about it. Everything is too surreal and in your face. I get too nervous."

"Then stop smoking, Bella. It's not a very attractive quality. Besides, if you don't like it, that just gives you even more reason to stop. I mean... what happens if you get so fucked up that some guy like... takes advantage of you or something?!" Edward boomed, throwing his hands in the air.

Edward hardly ever got angry with me. It was always such a terrifying experience when he did. I never wanted to make him angry because he was like my rock – where would I lean if I didn't have my rock?

"A shit-load of people smoke weed, Edward. We're teenagers. Live a little. You don't even drink!" I chuckled awkwardly, trying to prevent more attention from being drawn to us.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm not totally anti-smoking. I'm personally very against it, and I think you should be too, but other people can do as they damn well please. I don't give a fuck about them; I give a fuck about _you_," he sighed, tapping his foot on the ground angrily, "and as for drinking... I don't know. I'm starting to think that I might try it one day. You seem to have fun when you do that."

I noticed that we only had minutes left before class, so I stood and gathered my bags, tugging Edward up with me.

"Are you sure? I mean, you were so against drinking even just a few months ago...," I probed. Honestly, I was pretty excited to have a new drinking partner – he and Jasper were the only ones who didn't drink out of our entire group.

"Yeah, I won't do it too often or anything. Don't want to kill myself, if you know what I mean," Edward laughed.

That's another thing I miss. His old laugh – it used to be so happy and musical. Almost like he didn't have a care in the world.

Edward tried to change the subject as he walked me to my first class, but I could tell our previous conversation was nagging at him. We rounded the corner and I was about to walk into my class before I felt Edward's hand grab my wrist and tug me back.

"Bella," he started, staring at the floor, "I know it's not my place to ask something of this from you. But can you please stop smoking weed? Or at least stop hanging out with Lauren – she's such a bad influence."

My jaw hung a little slack as I processed his request. Did I want to change my ways? Was there a good enough reason to?

"For me?" He added, eyes pleading, "Please just stop. I'll see you in History."

And with that, he turned on his heel and walked off to his class.

Little did he know that simple request was all I needed.

For him.

I stopped hanging out with Lauren after that day... for him.

I stopped smoking that day... for him.

Funnily enough, the absence of the drug wasn't minded by me at all. In fact, my grades and overall concentration improved as well – but I like to tell myself it was because I was growing up. I'm too stubborn to let Edward be right about _everything_.

A few weeks later, in late April, while sitting together in History class, we hit another milestone.

"Okay, so I've got a new one!" I shouted in excitement.

"Jeez, calm the fuck down, Bella... go for it," Edward laughed as his pen scribbled across his page, writing his own study songs.

We were making a compilation album. World War II – Greatest Hits.

"Alright, it's to the tune of the Digimon theme song."

"And what's the subject?"

"Uhh," I double checked my page, "Germany's basic plan to capture France."

"Tough one," Edward commented. He turned in his chair to face me, head in his hand that was leaning on the desk.

I chanted my song, loud enough for the whole class to hear. I didn't care at the time. I was happy being the loud and happy kid in the spotlight. My teacher, Mr. Miller, didn't give two shits about Edward and I basically teaching the class every day – since we always had an opinion and were constantly talking. But this song... this song the class deserved to hear.

Yep. I covered everything from the Triple Alliance down to the Schlieffen plan.

"Epic! Yeah, yeah! That one can be our first single!" He laughed, quickly adding it to our list of songs.

"How many do we have now?" I asked.

"Around ten. We've got the entire war covered," Edward smiled. He ran his hand through his hair and kept adjusting his shirt.

I noticed that this meant there was something on his mind that he wanted to talk about.

"What is it?"

"What's what?"

"What is it that you want to ask me that you've been avoiding for the entire class?"

Edward looked down at his hands on his desk, twiddling his thumbs. He always used to wear such childish shirts, too. Ones relating to video games or stupid sayings that were the equivalent to the ones girls wore that said things like, '99% angel, 1% devil!'

You knew you were rebellious if you wore those shirts. 1% devil. You devil, you!

I waved my hand in front of his face, "Well?"

"I want to drink. Tonight," he said in a rush.

Hm. Maybe he did deserve to wear that 1% devil shirt.

"Oh. Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Well, Jasper's having a party tonight...," I hinted. I knew his newfound interest in drinking was spurred by Jasper – his other best friend – who had recently converted to the dark side, too. Jasper, Rosalie, Alice, Emmett and I would drink on the weekends while Edward stayed sober. I always spent time with him, though, so he didn't feel too lonely.

"I know. I'm going," he said.

"Great! I get to be there when Edward Cullen gets hammered for the first time in his life. My little boy is growing up!" I pretended to flick a tear away from my eye as I leaned in for a one armed hug.

And I _was_ there when he got hammered for the first time that night. And the time after that, and the time after that.

However... it was also around then that I noticed things were changing.

We were growing up, yes, but I mean things _between_ us were changing.

We got in stupid fights more and more often about stupid things. I remember getting mad when I noticed he was drinking a lot more than he said he would – making it a weekly occurrence.

I remember getting mad when he would cock-block me at parties.

I remember getting mad when he started spending more time with Mike Newton and James in our History class, rather than with me.

He would get mad at me when I drank too much and hooked up with Mike Newton or James from our History class.

But in the end, we were still best friends. Nothing could tear us apart.

By the time the summer vacation rolled around, we spent a lot more time together than usual. He always wanted to drink, so typically – that was what we would do.

One time, I had been invited to a party at Mike's and brought the gang along. Edward was the only one who stuck by my side throughout the party instead of trailing along with the others. Even if he did cock-block me, it was nice of him to stay with me even though he didn't know the people I was talking to.

As I said... things were wonderful. For the most part, at least.

But, of course, Bella Swan only gets teased with perfection – I can't actually have it.

Within one week at the beginning of September, right before school started, my life managed to go down the drain.

Edward and I had become even closer, if that were possible, over the summer vacation. Drinking buddies, party buddies... everything buddies.

Over those few months, as well, I noticed that he started to change. His wispy bronze hair became more tame and he looked less gangly. He was still awkward, and the girls still paid no mind to him, but the change was still there.

Jasper decided to have a back to school kegger and the bulk of the grade showed up. You know how it is, people were bumpin' and grindin' everywhere – except not really, since we all know people don't actually dance at parties.

However, there was a dirty amount of drinking going on. Edward and I were the champions of various flip cup, beer pong and other tournaments. Needless to say, we were probably two of the most hammered people at the party.

After playing a game of Kings with a few people I wasn't really friends with, I decided to venture through the house. I made my way through a few rooms before deciding to see what was going down in the basement.

I walked down the stairs and around the corner, only to see two people lying on the couch mumbling something.

I tried to eavesdrop on the conversation, but stopped once I heard my name come up. I'm too much of a pussy to be able to listen to people trash talk me, or whatever those two were doing.

I heard the girl in the conversation say something about the other person doing "the right thing", before I saw the girl – who turned out to be my friend Angela from English -- pass me by and make her way up the stairs.

I poked my head around the corner only to see Edward sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

"Don't look too chipper there, Captain," I laughed awkwardly as I walked slowly over to the couch.

Edward's head snapped up as he struggled to make eye-contact with me. His eyes were seriously blood-shot from the beer, and he had plenty of said beer on his shirt. His cheeks were flaming red and his hair was a mess.

I'm sure I didn't look any better, though.

"How long have you been down here?" He asked, closing one eye – I assume to focus better and get rid of the double vision.

"I, uh, just got down here. What were you talking with Angela about?" I asked, truly curious – I hadn't thought they knew each other.

Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me down onto the couch so he didn't have to crank his neck to stare up at me. He casually tossed his arm around my shoulders as he spoke.

"Nothing really."

"You realize that I realize that means that you probably were saying something that I would want to know but you're not going to tell me and neither is Angela," I noted.

He nodded.

I twisted myself so that my head was resting on his leg and his arms lay on either side of his body.

"I go out to Phoenix tomorrow," I slurred, "only for a few days. But I thought I'd let you know – wouldn't want you to miss me too much, am I right?"

He chuckled darkly to himself, "You're right."

Naturally, in my drunk state, I twisted his simple words and lashed out at him, "What the fuck is your problem tonight, Edward? You've hardly spoken to me."

Edward calmly reached for one of my hands, laced his fingers through it and tugged it back to his left side. The other arm gently rested on my stomach, rubbing circles to try to calm me down.

"You can be a really shitty drunk when you drink too much, eh, Bella?" Edward laughed, adjusting our hands.

"Yeah, well, you just drink too much in general. What ever happened to your whole 'oh, I don't want to kill myself blah, blah, blah' façade? Liar."

"Hey, the only crime here is that you didn't tell me how fucking epic being drunk is."

"You never asked."

"Touché," he beamed.

In that moment, I noticed that while we had been bantering, he had leaned down closer to me, and his right elbow had moved from my stomach to setting up habitat in my cleavage.

And yet... I didn't mind.

I didn't care at all.

But I could have just been too drunk to care.

Because even though we didn't hook up or anything... I cared in the morning.

Thinking back on what little I could remember about that scene in the basement just felt... intimate. Different.

Right.

It was all I could think of on my flight to Phoenix. All I could think of on my flight back from Phoenix.

Had he felt the same way too? If I had stayed longer, would we have hooked up? Did I like him?

No. I didn't like him... at the time, at least.

He was my best friend, almost brotherly. Almost, but not quite.

On the day I got back to Forks, I had a small get-together at my house – just the group of us.

Of course, we were drinking – since that seemed to be all we ever did – and just enjoying the last few days of summer.

Things seemed to be going smoothly with Edward, neither of us acknowledged what had happened only days before. I kept thinking that I must have been over-analyzing the situation or something since we were acting almost completely normal.

Until a few of Rosalie's older guy friends showed up.

Being drunk, Alice and I thought it would be funny to let them in, anyway. I didn't talk to them, but Rose and Alice were having the time of their lives flirting with the guys. I mainly spent my time downing shot after shot... more than I should have.

Edward, Jasper and Emmett must have been feeling uncomfortable with the randoms being there and started to cause a scene.

Emmett placed his hands over his mouth to muffle his voice like a megaphone, "The cops have been called. Please leave the property. I repeat -- the cops have been called. You are not wanted here."

Rosalie and Alice were getting visibly pissed off with Emmett and the other two.

I was innocently minding my own business in my kitchen, downing some drinks, when I felt a hand on my wrist – twisting me around in my chair.

"Ow, what the fuck!?" I screamed, slurry but effective.

"Get those guys out." Edward's eyes were filled with rage.

"Fuck off; you guys are being such jerks to them. They haven't done a thing to you!"

"They're just trying to get in your pants, Bella! Can't you see that or are you as blind as Rose and Alice?!"

"Did you ever think that Alice and Rose _want_ that? Jesus, and I haven't even talked to them, dipshit!"

"Doesn't mean they aren't still talking about you, Bella." He was absolutely seething, now.

"Well then you can shut the fuck up and get them out yourself because I don't motherfucking care that they're here!"

I slammed my glass down on the counter and stormed out of Edward's view only to hear him scream in frustration. I made my way to my room and passed out until the late afternoon of the next day. Luckily, everyone was gone from my house – allowing me to clean up and effectively avoid a sober confrontation with Edward.

Except I didn't know that I never would have a sober confrontation with him.

Because we never talked after that.

At first, I didn't notice anything was wrong... until he walked into one of my classes and situated himself on the opposite side from me.

Odd.

Then I noticed that he was being more rude to me than... well, ever.

Odd.

Then I noticed that we hadn't spoken to one another in four months.

That, actually, is a lie. I noticed every single _day_ that we didn't talk. He avoided me as much as possible...

And I had done nothing wrong.

Second semester rolled around. I discovered on the first day that I had another class with Edward.

He had grown up a lot since the summer. Not that I was there to witness any of it. I had a spectator's view of watching him turn into a man. He grew tall – around 6'2", I'm guessing – and lean with no baby fat in sight. He was no longer gangly and awkward, but confident and toned. From my not-so-fabulous spectator seat, I could see that his personality was still the same as always – hilarious, yet kind.

Except for when we were forced to hang around one-another – he was a completely different person.

The girls were all over him now, constantly talking about how good-looking he became and how they would do anything for just one night with him. The only thing I could take pride in was the fact that I knew more than the beautiful exterior to Edward, I knew he inner beauty long before the sluts and hookers discovered him.

I watched with a dropped jaw as Edward began to smoke weed. He said he would never do it.

And I couldn't even be the one to tell him to stop.

For me.

Our teacher, Mr. Miller – the very same History teacher from the year before – noticed how Edward and I were sitting on opposite sides of the class, and was surprised at how quiet it was without our "lovely songs."

Edward didn't even so much as glance in my direction as our teacher publicly reminisced about our past.

A year passed by without a proper conversation between us. There was the odd exchange of words if need be... but never more than a "hi" or "excuse me".

When people asked me why I was refusing free weed, I lied and said I was getting blood tests the next day, even though Edward would be blazing only a few meters away.

Every single one of those three hundred and sixty-five days hurt like a bitch.

Which brings me to where I am now; a high-school senior, sitting in a dark and glowing room by herself – well, if you exclude the couple on the couch.

Rose, Alice, Jasper and Emmett are downstairs with the rest of the 60-odd people here. This house isn't that big, and I don't know the person who lives here... so I came up to this room to avoid everything.

Everyone.

Him.

He's down there right now, probably smoking a j and downing some rum. He won.

Whatever I did to him that made him hate me – he won.

He got his revenge; there's nothing more he could do that would make me feel worse.

... So why do I care so much?

We'll never be friends again – at least, not like before.

So why am I up here instead of enjoying myself?

I get up and walk down the winding staircase and make my way through the swarms of people to the backyard porch.

I look around and see about ten people huddled off in various groups.

One person stands alone in the middle of the porch. Edward.

His back is to me, so I move quickly and buy the nearest joint I can get my hands on from Tyler Crowley, resident drug dealer.

I lean against a free space of balcony and flick my lighter, causing Edward's head to turn in my direction.

I've missed the burn, actually. Why the fuck did I give this up in the first place?

For him? I look in his direction to see his eyes still fixed on mine.

He wasn't worth it, in the end.

I take four more hits before the high hit me like the Hogwarts Train.

I was happy for once.

"Bella, what the fuck?!"

Edward is only a foot away from me, livid.

"You don't smoke," he yells.

I cackle and take another hit, blowing the smoke in his face, "Correction, Cullen – I've smoked longer than you have."

Edward grabs the joint and crushes it beneath his foot.

"You stopped, remember?"

"And you were never supposed to start, remember? But hey, things change. _People_ change," I sneer.

Edward's face contorts into different expressions before returning to a neutral one. He grabs my wrist and attempts to drag me back in the house. I tug it back.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, Cullen? We're not even friends anymore... you can't tell me what to do! You lost that privilege a year ago, you know, when you stopped talking to me,"

"Bella, I—"

"Fuck off. Forever," I say, gliding past him and into the house.

I turn and look out the glass door to see Edward still standing outside, staring right back at me as he crumples to the ground.

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**So? What do you guys think? Obviously it's not much right now... but you know how things go.**

**REVIEW!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**My explanation for my hiatus will be at the bottom, as well as an update about the _Fierce_ update.**

**I wanted to get this out to you guys as fast as possible -- I wrote it just last night, by hand, in my bed, at my cottage -- so don't mind any spelling/grammar errors.**

** I'll correct them later.  
**

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I turned on my heel and stormed back through the house, bumping into various people as I went. I ignored their grunts and curses and I walked back up to the dark room upstairs. A part of me was hoping that Edward was following me; the other, more sober part of me knew that he wouldn't. I grabbed my purse and pulled out my mickey of vodka and took a couple swigs.

I was high and drunk... but not drunk _enough._

I slung my purse over my shoulder and continued swigging my Absolut as I headed down the stairs and toward the front door.

I thought I had enough pride to stay and have a good time, but apparently I don't know myself that well anymore.

The glass bottle was cold on my lips while I chugged down even more of the burning, bitter liquid. I scanned the front foyer quickly before placing my hand on the door knob... only to be met with Jasper's curious eyes boring into mine. I shook my head and flew out the door.

However, I didn't leave. I couldn't leave. I wanted to so _badly_ but I just couldn't force myself to continue walking away. Besides, I didn't even know where the hell I was. Instead, I stood in the middle of the road, just staring at the house.

Deep down, I knew I wouldn't leave because he was still in there – this brought me closer to him again. Sure, we'd been to parties together before – but tonight we actually talked.

And I lied. It was such a lie.

I didn't want him to fuck off out of my life – I needed him there, even if I was on the receiving end of his hate. At least that proved that he knew I was still alive – on the outside, at least.

I could feel myself swaying on my feet, maybe a little too drunk for my own good. I was used to it, however. Ever since our friendship fell apart, I found myself drinking more and more – mimicking Edward's party-hard lifestyle. If he was trying to wash away his memories of me by drowning himself in booze and pot, then I vowed I would do the same.

Yet, because of how the female mind works, I never could forget about him and it almost became a masochistic obsession when I drank. The more I drank, the more I thought about Edward. I figured it was okay since I wouldn't remember in the morning, anyway.

I started hooking up more randomly, too. That, other than my little stunt tonight, was my main way at getting back at the boy. He used to cock-block me like no other, so without him I was a loose cannon. Mike Newton was still my favourite because he was always eager. He knew I was using him for his body, but that didn't stop him. He truly was a good guy, though – nice and sweet – and blessed with magic fingers.

But I always felt guilty after. Always. Mainly because I knew that my efforts to get back at Edward were useless since he would never find out nor care in the first place.

I wasn't a slut, though. No, not at all. I definitely didn't sleep around – I only chose Mike Newton, and occasionally James, because they're friends with _him_. I never slept with them. I know, it sounds so pathetic and cliché saying the same old "I'm waiting for the one" speil... but I'm not waiting. I just haven't wanted to have sex with anyone. Completely understandable.

Was Edward a virgin? No, probably not. He had girls climbing all over him 24/7 – I'm sure he's been around that block a few times.

It was then that my mind chose to start replaying all of the moments where Edward had been especially cruel to me over the past year – bumping into me at parties and continuing on like he hadn't practically dislocated my shoulder; flirting with people like Lauren right in front of my face as if I wasn't even there; preventing me from playing in the beer pong tournaments... you know, the little things. Eventually, though, I stopped caring. It stung at first, but over time I almost expected it. Yes, it still hurt a little to be constantly rejected by my former best friend, but I was more numb to it now.

He kind of broke me.

I'm too afraid to show how I actually feel now – I'm sure most people would after being constantly bombarded with questions from Alice and such about how I was feeling, if I missed him, and so on and so forth. The only thing that was worse than hearing those questions was when they stopped mentioning him around me. I guess I kind of turned into a robot.

Now, don't get me wrong – I don't go around lifeless and boring. No, that would probably just confirm people's suspicions about me and start a slew of rumours. Instead, I'm robotic because I feel what people want me to feel. I don't really remember what my real laugh sounded like, but I don't think anyone else does either, so it's alright. I'm typically the happy person; laughing and smiling. At parties, I'm the wild girl. Now they say that I'm one of the toughest people they know – how they've never seen me cry. I admit that I never cry anymore, but I could never claim that I was _tough_.

Whatever they tell me to be, right?

All because of _him._

I suddenly felt someone shaking me by my shoulders and so I spun around to face the opposite side of the street.

No one was there, but my shoulders were still shaking.

I opened my mouth to tell whoever was touching me to fuck off, but nothing came out.

Then I realized that I had tears streaming out of the corners of my eyes and my chin was quivering. The lump in my throat was becoming unbearable but I couldn't let myself submit to such a defeat. I tried to tell myself he wasn't worth it, and I knew on the surface that he wasn't... but deep down, I knew he was.

So I cried.

Shoulders heaving, heavy breaths, gasps and coughs, little soft groans of defeat and pain.

It was then that I realized that the person making me cry was the only person who could make me stop.

I missed him so much.

Only two minutes passed before I collected myself as much as I could. Obviously my eyes would be red-rimmed and puffy, but what could I do about that, right?

I then noticed that I didn't want to go home. Not yet, at least.

It was a lose-lose situation for me. Home was where the heartbreak, the memory, was; same with this party. At least here, I can be alone.

Alone.

I rubbed my face to rid it of stray tears that were staining my cheeks and actually let out a small chuckle at how pathetic I was – standing in the middle of a random road, crying and drunk. I made my way over to the lawn and sat down on the moist grass, leaning back on the gigantic willow tree behind me. It had to have been old – the width of the trunk was the size of a small car. I could hear the music inside change genres quite drastically about every five minutes, but who doesn't love a mix of Queen and The Backstreet Boys?

The slightest case of the spins began to hit me, so I closed my eyes, willing myself to stay drunk, but feel nothing.

A dark shadow moved in front of me and shone a light in my eyes.

"Bella! What are you doing?! We're going to be late if you keep lounging around," the shadow said, stumbling and slurring a bit.

I shielded my eyes and looked around. It was daytime... and I was by the ocean?

What?!

"Bella," Edward leaned down in front of me, "hurry up! We've been drinking here for... Jesus, like four hours!"

"Oh, shit!" I yelled as I jumped to my numb feet, "How long has everyone been waiting for us?"

He shrugged his shoulders and smirked.

God, he was so drunk.

"You're such a lightweight, Edward," I laughed and pushed his shoulder, signalling to get a move on, "how are you going to manage when people start having big house parties... or _keggers!_"

Edward ran a frustrated hand through his messy, too long bronze locks before running it down his cheek. He was taller than me now – only a few months ago did he start to catch up. He was probably a good 5'8" by now, I noticed.

"I know. Fuck, I know. I guess we'll just have to drink every weekend so I can man-up!" Edward's piercing emerald eyes were bright with laughter, and bloodshot from alcohol. He lazily flung his arm around my shoulders.

"So why are we going to this festival exactly?" He asked.

"Alice and Rose said the shops are open till midnight, and Jasper said it was a good excuse to get fucked," I replied honestly.

I noticed some people down at the pier, and cut Edward off before he could make an undoubtedly witty remark about the night's festivities.

"Oh! Come with me for a second," I groaned as I tugged his arm, trying to get the rest of him to follow me down to the group of friends.

"Why? Who's down there?" Edward peered around me and sighed, "Bella, I don't think it's a good idea for you to keep hanging out with them. Angela and Ben are the biggest druggies in school! What if they shoot you up with heroin while you're not looking?!"

I kept pulling at him until he gave up and came down with me.

"Don't worry, I'm sure I'll notice if they shove a needle in my vein."

We sat and chatted with the drug bunch for quite some time. Well, _I_ chatted – Edward sat and looked awkward. He was remarkably patient, however. Never complained. Alice was a different story – my cell phone was ringing left, right and centre because of her. So, I said my goodbyes and grabbed an eager Edward and steered us in the direction of the town core.

"You know, Bella," Edward smiled, "this is going to be one of those random days you'll always remember."

I nodded in agreement, and while doing so, tripped over a rogue stick on the ground, successfully hitting my head.

I groaned and looked up for some help to stand... but found myself sitting alone, against the willow tree, shedding tears with a killer headache.

He was right. I'd never forget that day. It was the day I realized he cared about me as much as I cared about him. I was his best friend and he was mine. Or so I thought, at least.

I sighed heavily. How fucking pathetic could I get in one night? I managed to break all of my own steadfast rules – created to prevent situations like this from happening.

I could tell people were fighting about something inside. Typical, I guess. It's not a Forks party without a fight and someone getting too drunk to function.

I let myself relax for a little more, about an hour or so, so I could go back in and face the "_what the fuck!?!"_s from my friends. I stood up, caught myself on the tree before I fell over, and stumbled across the lawn. When I was about halfway, the front door flew open, allowing the booming bass and loud laughter to float through the dark, calm air. For a second, I almost thought Alice had opened the door after seeing me get up, but once someone literally _fell_ out the doorway, I figured otherwise. The person rolled down the steps and onto the lawn about ten metres in front of me.

"Shit," I mumbled. It felt like I had an angel and devil on my shoulders at that moment, debating whether or not to help. I was honestly about to keep walking, until I noticed the person looked just like Jasper.

"Fuck!" I whisper-yelled, running towards Jasper on the ground, "where the fuck is Alice?! How was she not watching him?!"

He was less than three metres away now, but I managed to trip over my own two feet, rolling to his side.

Well, at least it was worth the roll.

I laid there for thirty seconds, figuring he could wait until my head stopped pounding. I could hear his laboured breathing beside me and he didn't sound like he was passed out, so that was good.

I rolled onto my side, shirt pulled down too far, but riding up all the same – lace bra exposed – but I knew he wouldn't care. If anything, he'd recognize it was Alice's. Where the fuck was she?!

My head was still spinning, so I kept my eyes shut and tried to hold down the gags from the vomit my rolling stirred up in my stomach.

"Jasper?! Are you alright? Where's Alice, kid?" I whispered, swallowing loudly after each question.

Jasper laughed a little before I heard his mouth open and close a few times, like he was wetting his dry mouth or something. Actually, he probably had the pasties from smoking... so it made sense.

His voice interrupted my thoughts.

"I mother fucking... fucking mother... fother mucking... fuck. I wish I was Jasper right mother fucking now. Fuck..."

I froze. My eyes shot open.

"What the fuck?!" I screamed.

"Shhhh... no fuck. I don't fuck."

I scrambled onto my knees and tugged on my hair. I stared, wide-eyed and angry at the person I thought was Jasper below me.

"Ugh, shut _up_, Edward! You're such an ass!" I whisper-yelled at him.

He probably watched me come out here and decided to torment me more. He kept his eyes closed.

Then it started again. The tears, the memories. Everything, but I made no noise. I was eternally grateful that his eyes were closed. He didn't deserve the satisfaction of finally seeing me cry.

I examined his form. He looked like he was in pain. Not only from his fall, though. As I noticed this, he rolled over and puked all over the ground beside him. That was the only thing that prevented me from standing up and walking back into the party. I may not be on the best of terms with him, but I couldn't leave my former best friend drunk and sick on the ground for the cops to find.

So I made myself comfortable while he puked his guts out.

"Karma, mother fucker," I mumbled.

Edward stopped, finally, and rolled onto his back again. I watched as his hands trailed down his chest, to the hem of his shirt. I couldn't help being a little excited to see his chest and stomach, nor could I help the blush when he slowly peeled his shirt off his body.

I blame the alcohol, hormones, and the fact I haven't seen him with his shirt off since 10th grade.

Edward still hadn't opened his eyes, and I was _almost_ worried he was dead – until he opened his fucking pie-hole.

"Are you still there?" He asked the sky.

I gulped, "Yes."

"Are you drunk?"

"Thankfully."

"Why are you out here?"

"Clearing my head."

He nodded, "How do you know Jasper?"

What the fuck?

"Uh, Edward, do you know who I am?"

I noticed him slightly open his right eye.

"Nope. Life's a blur right now, ain't it?" He sighed.

"Sure."

"You don't seem like other girls, you know," Edward slurred as he adjusted his position on the grass.

"That's because I'm not," I retorted.

"Calm the shit down, it's a compliment. I don't know many girls who wouldn't be trying to undo my pants right now. Not to sound cocky."

"I'm sure you don't."

"It's refreshing. Reminds me of the good old days."

"Ah, yes, because the days before puberty were amazing."

"No," Edward breathed and licked his lips – visibly relaxing, "it reminds me of the days I'll always remember."

He didn't say anything else.

Fuck, he definitely passed out.

I don't know what came over me, but before I knew it, I was on my feet, tugging my ex-best friend's arm to stand him upright. After about five minutes, I succeeded and flung his arm around my neck.

"Oh, god, what am I doing...?" I wondered out loud as we started walking – well, I was walking. Edward was more or less... dangling – down the street. I used his weight to prevent me from drunkenly stumbling all over the place.

I didn't want to walk home alone, and Edward's house was only a few blocks away from mine. I could dump him off there to get yelled at by his parents while I, unhappily, made my way home.

At least, that was my plan before Edward became aware of the world again.

"Where are we going?" He slurred.

"Home. I'm taking you home."

"You know where I live? Stalker."

"Shut up, you idiot. I asked Jasper," I lied.

We walked a few more metres before he was able to stand on his own.

"You're a girl, right?" He asked, rubbing his chest as he swayed down the road by my side.

"Obviously," I sneered.

"Then I'm going to dictate to you my wonderful life story."

"Is that how you get the girls these days?"

"No, but I need to get all this shit off my chest. Since you're a girl, your opinion is perfect. Mother fucking perfect."

"I don't really want to hear—,"

"Have you ever met Isabella Swan?"

I stopped breathing, broke out in a cold sweat and got incredibly nervous – all while keeping my composure. He sounded angry when he said my name, so I prepared myself for the worst.

"No, I haven't," was my simple lie.

"I don't really know her anymore myself – but she's the core of my problems."

"...Huh."

"Yeah, she used to be my best friend."

"Great."

"Quite."

I paused, waiting for him to continue.

"... That's some life story, eh?" I probed.

"Oh, yeah, shit, sorry. Uh, well, fuck... where was I?"

I opened my mouth, ready to tell him not to continue but –

"Right. Bella. Well, okay, so we used to be such amazing friends like two years ago. She's a lot different now, though. We used to do everything together – talk on msn, watch the same shows while talking about them on msn—,"

"Sounds so _fun!_" I said sarcastically as we rounded the corner of his street.

I always had thought it was fun, to be honest. I missed it, that's for sure.

"Yeah. So like, two years ago, there was this kegger...," Edward started.

This was it. What I always wanted to know. What happened at that kegger to make him hate me?

But... wait. Did I really want to know? How masochistic do I have to be? Wanting to know how you fucked up a friendship. It's not like it's going to change anything between us...

So I cut him off.

"Actually, Edward, we're at your house now," I said, looking for cars in the driveway. There were none. His parents were out.

"But my story! I need to tell it to someone, please!" He begged.

"Not me, I guess."

"Well, help me find my fucking keys then," Edward whined.

For a split second, I almost felt bad for him, since his keys were very clearly hanging out of his pocket.

"Can you come inside?" He asked, sounding defeated.

I shifted my weight from foot to foot as I debated with myself.

Drunk Bella screamed, "Yes", while sober Bella screamed, "No".

Apparently, however, drunk Bella had _actually_ screamed out "yes", since I was being dragged into Edward's house by my wrist.

It looked the exact same. Crisp, clean and model-home-esque. My memories flooded back to me of Esme baking in the kitchen while Carlisle and Edward debated something in the living room.

This time, though, I managed to control and fight back my tears. It was too good of a memory to cry about.

Edward led me up the stairs and disappeared into the bathroom. I didn't hear any retching, so I slid into his room, effectively shattering my heart into a million more little pieces.

It was the same. Sheets and all. I could practically hear the room welcoming me back. I sat down on his bed and fingered the silky gold sheets. I was always so in love with them.

Suddenly I was pushed back onto the bed and felt Edward attempting to place kisses along my jaw line. I was so wrapped up in the fucking sheets I didn't even hear him come in.

"Edward," I grunted as I tried to push him off of me, "what the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?!"

He'd brushed his teeth and stripped down to his boxers while he was in the bathroom.

"Hooking up with you. I never hoop up with anyone, but you're different," Edward explained in-between sloppy kisses and struggles.

"I'm honoured, but you don't want to hook up with me, trust me. Do you even know who I am yet?!" I asked, finally getting him off me.

"No, you're still blurry, but you remind me so much of—,"

"Shut. Up. Edward. Don't say it. Please, just don't say anything else," I could feel the tears streaming down my face and I started to openly sob, "just don't. I'm leaving. Forget I ever talked to you again. Remember what I said earlier? Fuck off out of my life. Please. I can't deal anymore."

His eyes widened a bit before I spun on my heel and started running. Running from the future, or running from the past, I wasn't sure. But all I could process the last moment before hitting that bottom step and sprinting out the door, was a soft, strangled sound.

"Bella."

* * *

**Okay, so basically my excuse is the same as everyone elses.**

**I thought my schoolwork was all done (back in March) since that's what everyone always says about second semester... but then it just got laid on so thick that I was practically pulling my hair out.**

**But you guys don't care about that.**

**I updated this one first because... well, I like it more.**

**_Fierce_ will be updated tomorrow (actually tomorrow. I'm not lying!) GET EXCITED!  
**


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